Your unfought fights or My Victories

A struggle or a fight is our inner selves looking for adequacy. We are craftsmen building bridges intertwined in unseen reality. And maybe feeling of incompetency are temporary or permanent missing links..it depends, but that’s another topic.

I sat and stared at this painting close to an hour today, with an espresso shot and of course Emily Carr in between.( I couldn’t let myself stray from that feeling of precision, but Emily Carr sits well in my heart and mind). It’s a state of trance; I think this trance is a full complete bridge between me and the painter. I read her, Here she is – my dilemmas, my struggles, my perception of myself; feeling and vulnerability in the corners of her mouth, knowledge in her eyes, her fought battles in her cheeks and chin and a sword at her side, she is a woman – beginning of 19^th century that’s holding a sword, it says quite a bit about her position. Did she ever exist ? I don’t think it matters. I think what matters is that she lived in that room, in the wholesomeness of her image that I understood so well, in the bridges of concepts materialized, taking forms in completeness. My eternal dilemmas how to grow, believe, feel and at the same time create, build, position yourself and where do you look for protection with all the openness that you have to carry when you do such honest things that people are not used to ? People comprehend Maslow and Pavlov better. People set themselves to fight their everyday battles most of the time not even consciously, with other people, often preying on the weaknesses of their close ones. For me today, it was a truly inspirational piece. My comprehension and extension of it – She doesn’t fight unnecessary battles, that’s my victory. True value of a great artist. (and I know two, how life was somehow so generous to me)… and I’ve learnt how to keep secrets in hidden places. Learning how to speak loud and clear is tough, but I think at this point I am passed the attack mode stage that used to drain me so much..now I am just working on tone and annunciation (drama is my second language – see chapter 2 in an inna manual :P )